Lessons learnt through divorce & separation

Separation or divorce is, more often than not, an unpleasant experience no matter how amicable the initial split was. The ending of a relationship may flood you with a huge range of emotions including a feeling of bereavement, anger, loneliness and general anxiety.

 

Most people find the following “coping” strategies of benefit:

• Learn about the process – Going through a separation or divorce is not a situation that most people think will impact their lives and as a result, they often arrive at this juncture unprepared – often not only bewildered but significantly stressed. Knowledge is power and lessens the levels of anxiety. Be prepared to research how to approach separation or divorce but you do not need to go it alone as there is help out there both in terms of resources and counselling support but also via advice from a qualified family lawyer.
• Thoroughly consider if going it alone is worth it – The top reason people decide to try and go through a separation or divorce alone without the support of a divorce lawyer is due to costs. However, what you must consider when doing so is the possible costs not just from a quantitative perspective but from a qualitative – or emotional and psychological perspective. A good divorce lawyer will mean a financial cost but weigh that up against the qualitative aspect of having support, good legal advice, guidance and a means to share the workload. One factor that is often overlooked is ability your legal team will have to help buffer any hostility from an ex-partner and when your life is already in flux, this is often priceless.
• Forget the minutia – An easy statement but where possible steer away from arguing about items that with time – and the benefit of hindsight – will become ever more meaningless (e.g. think furniture). Look at the bigger picture and remain focused by following logical steps that will lead to your desired outcome.
• Seek support – Anyone that has been through a separation can testify that it is without doubt one of the harder life experiences. Don’t go it alone emotionally and be prepared and uninhibited enough to seek counselling or support outside your social circle. A good family lawyer will be able to provide you with a referral to a good counsellor or psychologist.
• There is an end – In law there are few shortcuts and the legal process is very systematic with defined stages that must be run through. There are means of accelerating progress through, for example, mediation or arbitration and your divorce lawyer will be able to guide you through those processes.
• Work towards the end – Build yourself a reward system or coping mechanism that acknowledges the different milestones that you will achieve throughout the process. Separation and divorce can have a significant impact on your emotional wellbeing so throughout the process, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
• Acknowledge the end – When you have legally separated or you have reached an agreement on the division of your assets, acknowledge the end of your relationship formally. How you do this is up to you but try and use this as a positive platform – your second chance and the potential to rebuild your life.